When Your Child is Falling Apart (And You’re About to Join Them)
A simple, research-backed 6-step method to soothe your dysregulated child without coddling, collapsing, or losing your mind.
Soothing a Dysregulated Child
A 6-step method for finding the exhale after the storm.
The Mindset Shift
Comfort ≠ Coddling
"If I comfort them, I'm coddling them. They are manipulating me."
The Attachment Paradox:
The more emotional support a child has early on, the easier it is for them to self-regulate later.
Phase 1: Regulate Your Body
Relax Your Muscles
Think "Go Gumby." Release tension. Your relaxed presence is a biological signal of safety.
Soften Your Face
Avoid a tense stare. A soft face says, "I can feel your pain, and I am not overwhelmed by it."
Make Body Smaller
Get down on their level. Standing over a distressed child activates their threat response.
Phase 2: Offer Connection
Respond & Approach
Move gently towards them. If they pull back, respect the boundary but stay present.
Repeat a Calm Phrase
Tone matters more than words.
"I'm here. I've got you. I see you."
Watch for "The Melt"
Wait for the shuddering breath. This is the moment to hold them and move to "we're okay."
Toddlers & Teens
Massive brain changes occur here. Soothing may be impossible until they sleep. This is biology, not failure.
Neurodivergence
Talking or touch can be overstimulating. Adapt by simply being a quiet, calm presence nearby.
Sensitive Kids
If they feel deeply, your work now is building the foundation for their future regulation. It takes time.
They are built by repair."
Secure Parenting Program
“ I walked away feeling like I was going to be OK, and could handle whatever comes my way. “Thank you!” does not feel sufficient!!!”
- Six weeks of bite‑size videos
- Lifetime Access
- Live Q&A with Eli for your specific questions
- Support & Community Groups
