10 Powerful Things I Say to My Kids to Build Secure, Lifelong Connection
Simple phrases that deepen trust, strengthen resilience, and help your child feel safe being fully themselves.
10 Powerful Things
to Say to Your Kids
Words that build resilience
and deep connection.
These phrases help bolster your relationship and your child's resilience in the world.
Attachment Nerd
I'll Help You Through It
"No matter what hard thing you are going through, I will always be here to help you get through it."
Why It Matters
This helps them truly hear that showing up for them is not a burden—it's something you are dedicated to doing. While you're here, your goal is to be part of helping them through life's hard stuff.
You Can Talk to Me
"There is nothing that you can't talk to me about. I will always be here for the weird, awkward, or scary conversations."
"What is mentionable is manageable."
— Mr. Rogers
If kids think there are things they can't talk to us about, they'll talk to other kids instead.
Not Your Job to Please Me
"It's not your job to make me happy. It's your job to figure out who you are and to be true to those things."
Why It Matters
When kids feel burdened to please us, they sacrifice their own inner knowing. We want them to live out of authentic desire—not fear of disappointing us.
I Will Believe You
"If you ever tell me someone is making you uncomfortable, scaring you, or hurting you—I will always believe you."
"I will help you get safe and make sure it stops happening."
You Don't Owe Me
"You don't owe me a thing. The joy of getting to be your parent is the only payment I ever need."
Why It Matters
A debt-free dynamic doesn't make them want to run off. It validates their own desires so they aren't stuck with obligation—they get to be free to want to be around you.
The Luckiest Thing
"The most lucky thing that has ever happened to me in all of my life is getting to be your parent."
Kids bring sacrifice and burdens to our life. That's normal. They can sense that.
They also need to hear that at the end of the day, it's all worth it.
I'll Make It Right
"I'm not always gonna get it right with you. But when I get it wrong, I will put in the effort to make it right between us."
Why It Matters
No parent gets it right all the time. But we can create a dynamic where we're secure enough to get feedback—and model repair so they learn to do it in their relationships.
Unconditional Love
"There is nothing you can do to make me love you less or to make me love you more. Your place in my heart is unconditional."
It's one thing to be loved when performing. It's another to know you're loved at your best and your worst—that your parents unconditionally accept and adore you.
I Learn From You Too
"When we disagree, I will always put in work to understand what I can learn from you—not just what you can learn from me."
Especially for Teens
If we stand on "I'm always right, I'm the teacher, you're the learner"—we miss out on so much. Mutual learning cultivates trust and a desire to grow together.
Your Soul's Approval
"It's not your job to seek my approval. It's your job to live in such a way that the deepest parts of your soul approve."
Kids need to hear out loud: just because you've disappointed me doesn't mean you're a disappointment to me. Sometimes our expectations aren't in line with what they need to live their best lives.
These things are much easier said in a video than lived out in our relationships with our kids...
Which is why the Secure Parenting Program exists.
For all of us working to break cycles and create more secure patterns.
Attachment Nerd
Say It & Mean It
The Secure Parenting Program
- 6-week program + lifetime access
- Monthly Q&A with Eli
- Support groups included
- Tons of extra topic-specific resources
Financial strain? "Pay What You Can" option available.
Secure Parenting Program
“ I walked away feeling like I was going to be OK, and could handle whatever comes my way. “Thank you!” does not feel sufficient!!!”
- Six weeks of bite‑size videos
- Lifetime Access
- Live Q&A with Eli for your specific questions
- Support & Community Groups
