If you weren't privileged to inherit a secure attachment style in your childhood, then you are in my club of people who earn/learn their secure attachment style.
Here's the three phases of healing you'll need to work thru...
1. Reflect: on your early attachment relationships and how they impacted you
2. Grieve: feel the feelings of loss and pain related to not having secure relationships to lean on and find confidence in.
3. Grow: change your patterns of relating and work to learn new ways of showing up in your close relationships.
If you grew up in an environment where your caregivers did not know how to make you feel secure, you have likely developed what is called an insecure attachment style. It basically means that when you get into close, intimate friendships or relationships, You struggle to internalize those relationships to feel deeply connected, freely and without anxiety.
The really good news is that there is solid research that you can transform an insecure attachment style, whether it's an avoiding style, an ambivalent, preoccupied style, or disorganized style, and earn a secure attachment style so that you don't have to carry insecure relating for the rest of your life.
This is. Very oversimplified version of it, but I wanna give you the three steps to how you get there. The first one is you reflect, there's a body of evidence that if you take the time to look back at your early relationships and reflect on how they impacted you, what they were like, what you learned in those dynamics, then you will be able to understand why you behave the way you behave in relationships.
Now, after you've done that, the second step is to. It means to let yourself feel the emotions around the things that you were not given or the pain you were given, and to do that in the presence of other people. So in the presence of loving witnesses, to let yourself feel the sorrow of not having secure earlier relationships.
Step three is you need to grow. Once you recognize where your old patterns were and you've let yourself feel sorrow over them, you have to start to learn new ways of relating to people.
If you grew up in an environment where your caregivers did not know how to make you feel secure, you have likely developed what is called an insecure attachment style. It basically means that when you get into close, intimate friendships or relationships, You struggle to internalize those relationships to feel deeply connected, freely and without anxiety.
The really good news is that there is solid research that you can transform an insecure attachment style, whether it's an avoiding style, an ambivalent, preoccupied style, or disorganized style, and earn a secure attachment style so that you don't have to carry insecure relating for the rest of your life.
This is. Very oversimplified version of it, but I wanna give you the three steps to how you get there. The first one is you reflect, there's a body of evidence that if you take the time to look back at your early relationships and reflect on how they impacted you, what they were like, what you learned in those dynamics, then you will be able to understand why you behave the way you behave in relationships.
Now, after you've done that, the second step is to. It means to let yourself feel the emotions around the things that you were not given or the pain you were given, and to do that in the presence of other people. So in the presence of loving witnesses, to let yourself feel the sorrow of not having secure earlier relationships.
Step three is you need to grow. Once you recognize where your old patterns were and you've let yourself feel sorrow over them, you have to start to learn new ways of relating to people.
Gain valuable insights into understanding and supporting your highly sensitive child with practical advice and strategies that address their unique needs, while also taking care of yourself as a parent.
.webp){kind=avatar}
In this video, relationship expert explains how the instinct to push away when wanting to be close is called "protest" behavior in attachment research, but in couples counseling, it is often referred to as sabotage, and shares the most effective way to bring your partner close is to express your desire for connection.
Hey there! In this video, I'm sharing a personal story about how I learned the importance of fixing things in parent-child relationships. I talk about owning up to my mistakes, listening to my kid's feelings, and making things right. Remember, it's okay to mess up; just be patient and don't be too hard on yourself. We're all in this together!
%402x.svg){kind=icon}